I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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