yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
