Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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