Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
