woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
