Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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