I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize