I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
