So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
