i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize