Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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