I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
