The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize