i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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