what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
