your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
