I smell stomach acid.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
