How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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