Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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