i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
