Can i not drive my cunt home
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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