do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
