i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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