Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
