I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
