walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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