My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
