just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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