C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
