so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
