I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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