i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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