My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
