Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
