There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
