The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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