Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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