I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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