Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
