please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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