Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
