were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
