Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize