Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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