This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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