After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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