it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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