Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just google imaged poop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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