dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
