u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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