FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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