my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
