Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
