Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
