only you would photoshop your dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
