I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
