Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
