Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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