I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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