at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
