Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
