What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize