My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
