Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
