Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
