there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
